No One Gives A Shit That You Didn’t Go To The Gym Today

CrossFit cult members are often knocked for their propensity to incorporate Facebook status updates and Tweets into their cool downs. I’ve never taken a CrossFit class but I can only assume posting a complete overview of their just-completed work out is essential to their recovery time. It’s as if all the burpees and pull-ups don’t count unless Aunt Sue from Seattle is notified in her news feed.

And it’s not just the CrossFit crew. Runners posting miles and splits of completed runs and hikers can’t go an day without cell phone shot images along the trail. “Smile and a wave to the groundhogs on my morning hike!” There are currently over 17 million Instagram photos labeled #exercise. Probably more posted in the middle of writing this column.

Every exercise and it’s pre and post workout social brag are equal in their narcissism. If there’s one possible positive to take from every weekend 10K warrior, biker and out of college but still rower on the lake at 5am like he’s trying to keep a scholarship it’s that perhaps these posts work as motivation for another workout AND prompt social media lurkers to get off their ass and complete an athletic endeavor.

There’s one status update, however, that’s not only pointless but absolutely unnecessary and seem to be popping up in my FB feed and Instagram browsing more frequently and it’s all the reasons a person missed a workout, decided not to go to the gym or just flat gave up in the middle of exercise.

Alright, enough of this shit. You want to brag about air squats and pre-dawn HIIT routines you’re more than welcome but the last thing anyone needs to know is why your lazy ass didn’t feel like working out.

Unless it’s “didn’t get to exercise today because I’m ever closer to curing almost every form or cancer” or “didn’t make it to Zumba because I’ve got cancer and I’m still waiting on a cure”, I and the rest of the world are completely uninterested in your cries for approval or to play mom and dad to your grade-school level commitment to anything in life. “It’s alright you didn’t make it to Crossfit today, Steph. Not remembering to toss your ‘too cute’ yoga pants in the wash last night is a more than legit reason. You sit home and Netflix the fuck out of Kimmy Schmidt and give a try again tomorrow.”

And here are my personal favorites — “I didn’t do this good thing today so I’m going to compound it with doing something awful on top of it.”

Brilliant strategy. You know what I didn’t do today? Rub one out. But you don’t see me running to Facebook to beg people to get me back on track or shame me into doing it when I get home. I don’t need that type of feedback from strangers.